He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
