hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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