Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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