I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
