I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
