he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
