You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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