i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
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