I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
