So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
please come you make the beer taste better
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
