I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
