They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
