When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
