He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
