This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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