i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
