So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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