So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
