i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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