hotel room ftw
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
