i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
