you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
