ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
