Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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