i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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