i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
