brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
