Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
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