i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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