from now on my penis is your penis
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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