I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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