He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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