All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
