He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
