Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
