when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
home. puking in laundry basket.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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