Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
