i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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