Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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