True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
