I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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