She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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