i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
