When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I forget how to act sober
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