I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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