After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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