it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
