Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Let's paint friendship bongs
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
