Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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