I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
