If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
