i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize