He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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