there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
