I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize