My sheets look like a crime scene.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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