I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
