what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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