Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
