I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
