Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
