saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
