Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Randomize
