Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
