FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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