We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I wish you could order shots online.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
