I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
