Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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